!!!

Happy New Year (and a late Merry Christmas) !

HAHAHAHAHA

(dont click below if offended by profanity)



Lord of the Rings

Yay for Spaghetti!

Mood Weary
Music 'The Tango Maureen' - "Rent" Motion Picture Soundtrack

Didnt sleep much last night. Got back late from Reno and "Thoroughly Modern Millie". As to the show, I liked the first act a lot, but I looooved the second act. Very nice sets and costumes. I liked the tap numbers but strangely Robin and Marcus didnt. Oh yeah, I saw Robin and Marcus up there last night. I was standing there, eyeing the posters for the upcoming Pioneer Center season (gogo hairspray) when I heard Robin and Marcus laughing at me from behind. Very nice seeing my friends there. Oh yeah, my mind is fried, I went with my girlfriend to the show, she got us some good tickets because she cares about me :). Ok, so I gotback late and so was tired all day at work.

And Leslie stood me up for watching 'Rent' yesterday so she officially sucks.

You may be amused to know that I just walked away from the computer to take my dinner off the stove and burned my finger because I am stupid. And tired.

Thats it.

Awkward

So,

I went to see 'Rent' with Marcus, Chris, Lynette, and Caitlin tonight. I LOVED it. I've never seen the stage version but the movie did a wonderful job of illustrating exactly why it was such a famous and successful show (especially considering the difficulties of translating a musical stage production to an on screen film adaptation). If you havent seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out.

Problem was Hana and Michelle walked in. That was just about as weird as it should ever get. Kinda depressing, especially considering the fact that it seems, judging from the way we interacted, we are no longer even friends.

I have a beautiful, wonderful, sweet, amazing girlfriend.

I dont know why I feel sad.

Oh yeah, Harry Potter (and especially Albus Dumbledore) sucks.

Bzzzz-y little bee

Yes I have been.


My girlfriend is very cool. Im stressed but she refuses to do anything about it (haha). She keeps getting me sick and so I have taken it upon myself to nurse her back to health with lots of chicken noodle soup (literally), orange juice, and nyquil. For a beautiful young lady, she sure whines a lot about the taste / dosage of the nyquil. Green Death formula for teh win!!

New job is good. Im paying off bills. Im making good money and I have insurance and Im happy so far.

Fiddler on the Roof is going well but Im ready for it to end (props to Jim/Tevye for being a comedic timing genius). Chris makes me laugh :).

K, all in all, Im so busy at this hectic moment that I barely update, return phone calls, return emails, or return text messages.

Let me get a lil off my plate and I'll be back in the swing of things.

In honor of the season--

"Gobblegobblegobblegobble"

Im popular

taken from 'Wicked'

Other than that, I dont know. Im working, and bored but on the bright side I'm reading more. Wait, thats not too good, as I immerse myself in fantastical escapist drivel.

Every man needs a vice.

Im up to 14 and counting...

Im feeling very matrix-y today

yes indeed I am.

Lets see, updates...

I was going to write something here but I decided not to.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I do find that I am a lot more cheerful now, in my new life. A LOT more.

So, to all my friends out there, I apologize sincerely for being rude, crude, offensive, objectionable, degenerate, lazy, petty, spiteful, mean, small, ugly, faggy, and/or plain uncool.

Love,


P.S. thanks to comment spam (bleh bleh) I'm forced to turn on word verification for people who post responses and stuffs. Sorry about the hassle to the few people who may actually come back to this board :).

P.P.S. Im not listening to Marcus or Robin, no matter how many people use it, MySpace sux kk thx plzdrivethru.

Familiarity breeds contempt

Mood Numb
Music Sarah Bettens "All of this Past"

The only way to protect against this is to maintain a certain distance, a protective wall, as a defense against any that seek to get into your life. I often have to remind myself not to be weak and to cowboy up. I am the only one I need to depend on. I dont want to open myself up to anyone anymore. I dont want friends, despite the best of intentions, things go wrong. I dont want to deal with the rest of the world on its terms. Please go away and leave me alone. I dont want to hurt anymore.

Eyes, eyes, nostrils, SILENT SCREAM!!

Mood icky
Music Sublime "Santeria"

Yah, so I fell of whatever the hell wagon I rode in on or something. Ended up at Robins house watching 'Camp' and drinking white wine (which I dont even like) until I was absolutely sick. Literally. I'm working again, and its hot, and thats about it. Shows still suck, I'm supposed to be out of book by tomorrow so sometime tonight I'll pick up the script and try to memorize Billy's iambic pentameter. Oh yeah, the cool stories told by Ann and Robin and Marcus make me miss doing shows that I enjoy. I suck and I'm weak I know.

P.S. Nathan Neben ate a twinkie!!! It made me lolololol.

This is the winter of our discontent

Mood Thoughtful
Music Jack Johnson "Bubbly Toes"

Theaterwise, I am doing two shows at the moment. I play Lucentio in Shakespeares 'Taming of the Shrew' and no one I know is allowed to see it. All I can say at the moment (as the show has yet to open) is that I pray for the day that this show closes. The directors (yes plural, more on that as soon as I feel I can get away with it safely) are insane. One more than the other, but even the good one is driving me crazy with her ideas on how to improve the show (Envision Petruchio in full period costume with a peice of KFC saying "Mmmm finger licking good" in the midst of a monologue). I've mentioned before, they dont want actors, they want some type of overacting, one dimensional, cartoon character. This is not conducive to a burgeoning love of shakespeare. The only saving grace is the time I get to spend with my friends (Chris, Lynette, Caitlen, Kelly, and yes even Warren).

The other show I'm doing is with a company that some of my friends are not very impressed with. I play Auctioneer #1 , I'm basically a chorus member with a title. I dont mind chorus, certain shows I'll play anything just to be involved (This is one of them, I LOVE Phantom of the Opera). However I feel a little uncomfortable with how kind the director is being to me. She's being a little too nice, it almost feels like condescension. She may think I'm another Tony Windisch (complete fag) who dropped the show immediately when he got cast as auctioneer #2 instead of Raoul. He parted with a few insulting comments on who they did cast as the lead (My bro Josh). Im used to his backstabbing by now, I suppose Im glad that they're not just directed at me but at anyone who gets a lead. By the way, Tony, if by some chance you get to this page and manage to read this far, Fuck You. I'm not afraid to come to your face with it. I dont talk about you behind your back (well, this is the first time but this is my page dammit) and I'm never bitter when one of my friends gets a lead. I dont know many people who consider you a friend and it may just be your piss poor attitude to blame. The easiest way to deal with your negativity is to ignore you and this is the last thought you will ever get from me you no-talent, skill-less peice of shit. Oh yes, if you do happen to read this, by all means come to me about it, I'll be glad to step outside and show you exactly what I think of you.

In real life, I'm being punished at work for daring to look for another, better paying job. My hours have been cut severely and I am now perpetually broke. Lucky me. Top it all off with the fact that one of my friends is leaving for L.A. soon and has given me a deadline on when I'm allowed to take her out to dinner.

I guess other than that I should be grateful, I have my health, my friends, my family, a job (that is punishing me but still) and yeah, all the good stuff. Ah well, another day...

The Half Blood Prince

Harry pottah harry pottah. So I picked up the book last night at 7 pm and I couldnt put it down until I finished it. Wow. Wish it was longer...

How long do I have to wait till the next one??

Just so we're clear

I consider myself an unadulterated asshole, particularly when I (used to) drink. This might have applied at one point in my life, but I'm only getting bigger and meaner all the time. Still, my friend emailed this to me and I thought it was cute. If you read this and it applies to you, then 'cheers'!

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl?s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they?re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don?t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn?t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you?d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn?t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing ?serious? between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: ?oh, but we?re just friends!? And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you?re nice like that.

The nice guys don?t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don?t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can?t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as ?oh, he?s too nice to date? or ?he would be a good boyfriend but he?s not for me? or ?he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn?t possibly ask him out!? or the most frustrating of all: ?no, it would ruin our friendship.? Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can?t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I?m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn?t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you?re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

On second thought, if thats you, you suck. Life is pain princess.

*Yawn*

Mood Fried

Its fricken hot outside. Unless I have drugs in my system that I dont know about, a warrant for something or other that I dont know about, or a serious medical condition that I dont know about, I have a new job. That with construction with the fact that I am very single with no dependents whatsoever means I will be rolling in the money. And I will have benefits. And I will be cute. That is all.

WOOF, woof, woof, woof, woof (or Deagan and Ethan's Song)

Mood Sleepy, Good

Its 2 am and I just got back from babysitting my 5 and 8 year old nephews. I would like to mention that I, as a completely unbiased impartial observer, think they are the cutest nephews in the world (also, my only nephews but thats beside the point).

Tonight, I took them to watch the Fantastic Four and of course they loved it. They thought The Human Torch was the coolest superhero they had ever seen. Then it was grocery shopping for banana split makings so we would have energy for an entire evening of video games 'until our eyes fell out'. Along the way, they popped in a cd to which they surprisingly knew all the words. Let me tell you, hearing their little piping voices singing along (many times out of tune) to "Who let the dogs out" cracked me up.

They had more fun making the banana splits then eating them. Then they played Halo. Oh boy, watch the testosterone in those little monkeys. Any mission they had to work together ended in bloodshed as they immediately (and I mean immediately as in 5 seconds out of the chute) turned their guns on each other. Any versus each other mission went on forever as they spent their time wandering all over the map driving tanks and gliders and incidentally completely avoiding each other. They ought to make those maps smaller I suppose.

At 11 pm I put them to bed, and despite the "We're not sleepy" they were dreaming as soon as the lights went out. Classic.

Work in a couple hours so I gotta get to bed. I'm also saying a prayer for a buddy of mine running for Miss Nevada tomorrow. Not that she needs to win necessarily (but that would be amazing for her), but that everything will work out for her according to God's plan.

I love those boys.

The Notebook

Mood Touched

That movie was really good. Im not a sissy.

The irony of your reply would make me laugh, if it didnt make me want to cry

Mood Uncertain, Melancholy
Music Ludwig Van Beethoven "Moonlight Sonata"

You could say in roughly fifteen minutes, I will be turning a corner of my life. In no uncertain terms am I where I wanted to be at this point, but all I can do is keep trying. I am at a point where I will never be again.

Best of luck to my friend as she heads to Mesquite. She'll be phenomenal.

I'm growing up.

Physical

Mood Exhausted, Sad
Music Brooklyn Original Broadway Cast "Christmas Makes Me Cry"

Today I dominated the physical and psychological test. I wasnt fucking around today. I was focused and determined. I thought of her, everything was easy after that. I got an offer of conditional employment, so unless something goes terribly wrong, looks like I'll be starting a new job soon.

I went swimming through the memories

Mood Introspective, Sad
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

So I finished a book today. I have 2 good movies to watch on dvd. I finished my written test first out of all the shmucks today (took an hour though we were allowed three) and surprised the heck out of the lady by how well I did. I got a call back from the audition and I made chorus, though they tried to make me feel better by giving me a named chorus role. I dont mind chorus, I have no ego. I loathe Taming of the Shrew and the cheezey cartoon character the director is forcing me to do. None of my friends are allowed to watch this travesty.

The smoker, and the tone deaf joker did better...

Mood Wow'ed
Music Norah Jones "Turn Me On"

Auditions tonight, Im out in the middle of nowhere and I still run into theater people I know. I have never felt so outclassed in a vocal audition before in my entire life. I blame nervousness :). The only part that is mildly frustrating is knowing I could have done better. Purpose in auditioning is served though, I know what I need to work on. I guess every day you should learn something new. I love the music though, I'll be happy with chorus. Lots and lots of talented folk, turns out a bunch of them were from Nevada Opera Company.

At least the Christine said she liked me in Beauty and the Beast.

Theres something about driving along the lake as the sun sets between the trees, reflecting off of the water, that shuts me up.

I have finished all my spam musubi

Mood Thoughtful
Music John Cruz "Mama's Lil' Baby"

Last night I had a dream. I was holding a woman in my arms and we had woken up together, and I was feeling a sort of sleepy contentment...safety, security, peace. I was happy. I know it was a dream because obviously I was alone when I woke up, though a hint of those feelings followed me through the day. The funny thing was, it wasnt her I was dreaming about.

Isnt that strange?

Oddly, it gave me hope.

When you think about it, its the memories that hurt

Mood Tired, Sad
Music Sarah Brightman "La Califfa"

Im a fool.

Ive calmed down a little. I just needed time to think a bit and to be a little more rational.

It's ok that we never talk anymore. I understand that its normal to miss her.

All I can do is listen to the little voice God gave me inside that lets me recognize the difference between right and wrong.

My life is my attempt to do the right thing, and to not hurt anyone along the way. Its not as if I need anyone with me to be able to do that.

I know that its going to give me this empty, hurt feeling inside everytime I see her for a long time. But I dont have to be angry or upset.

She has her own life and I pray that its beautiful and happy for her, and I will be the loving, supporting friend that she deserves.

I gave Ms. Washoe County the bird today...Twice. What did you do?

Mood Withdrawn
Music Andrea Bocelli "Ave Maria"

Today I planned to go to church. Ive been planning it for awhile. I dont know that its something that needs to be planned, maybe that makes me a bad person, having to actually try to fit church into my schedule. Regardless, today I planned to go to church.

At 5 pm, while I was at work, very high up on a ladder, I got the last phone call I expected. It was from the girl that makes my chest hurt. She wanted me to be her 'date' to Robins dance recital (that I had no intention of going to in the first place-no matter how fun dance is). Of course, I dropped everything to go. Allow me a moment to explain my physical reaction to her phone call. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and my head was spinning. I felt ill. I may BE ill, I cant quite explain why a simple phone call from her would make me feel that way...It doesnt make sense, especially because of the situation we are in (ie friends that talk rarely).

After the euphoria of sitting next to her wore off, I couldnt help but be frustrated by the fact that we couldnt really communicate except for a few whispers and touches. And then I walked her to her car, she hugged me, and she drove out of my life again.

Now all the good feelings are crashing. Hard. All I want to do is get drunk and forget.

On the bright side, I got to see some people I love very much, Tara and Tillet and Kenzie and Robin, I didnt get to say hi to becca jolly but she understands I hope.

The last drink I have had was the closing night of Beauty and the Beast.

Now I'm back in this empty house, feeding the fish and looking at the dirty dishes.

I am happy for what time she gave me. I will stay positive. Watching the lights go out though, after a brief interlude of sunshine is a feeling I wouldnt wish on anyone.

Some of my friends say I'm too sensitive or emotional. I have done a good job of hiding it until tonight. The only way to get over this girl (as she has gotten over me) is to be strong. I will do the right thing.

I knew I should have gone to church.

Church will help

Mood Sad
Music Sarah Brightman "Solo Con Te"

I miss her very much. Struggling to stay positive.

Twinkies are teh evil :)

Mood Hot, Sweaty
Music Mamma Mia! "I have a dream"

Well, I lost my early morning lifting partner, but he's going to be a firefighter and so I'm proud of him. I spent the entire day tearing up old fences and putting up new ones. I was completely exhausted when I got home and very surprised by a call from my buddy Chris (BAC fame). He was calling in a personal favor and now I'm playing Lucentio in the Gold Hill Players production of 'Taming of the Shrew' (a show I dropped out from a couple weeks ago).

On the way home, they asked me what I thought of the rehearsal. I got some (good natured) teasing. They claimed that I need to be constantly petted and told how good I am like I am petted in all the other shows I do. Thats not me, I dont think Im like that. I HOPE I'm not like that. If I ever gave anyone the impression that I demand constant compliments, then Im sorry. I've never experienced anything like that in WNMTC. I aint no Diva.

Ok, positive thinking still going. Life is beautiful.

I love you too Bri. :)

Not again

Mood Introspective
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

Had a nightmare last night in which one of my friends was in trouble and I couldnt help her. I woke up feeling horrible. I was standing there, helpless, stuck on the other side of the fence, screaming...

Fuck, I dont know, I get sick just remembering.

I have a movie to look forward to this weekend and the company of a bunch of my friends that I havent seen since Beauty and the Beast.

Still thinkin positive...

Elektra Rocks!

Mood Weak
Music Beethoven "Moonlight Sonata"

Sat up late tonight talking with Mcduff. We just talked about life and dreams and what we've faced and what we hope...

I love that guy.

Unfortunately, I have to be awake in 3 1/2 hours so I can meet the Ndog. This entire last couple days has been an exercise in excess.

Made plans with a bunch of folk to meet up next sunday to watch "Noises Off". I get the impression its a theater thing that normal people dont find quite as amusing. Their loss.

Taste of Downtown was boring. I appreciate the invitation from my friend though :).

That is all.

The 'Thinkin Positive' period continues...

My friends

Mood Calm
Music Andrea Bocellie "Ave Maria"

My friends are amazingly wise, despite their age.

Take Andieandie fr'instance.

No more mopey posts from me too :).

Thanks to my little buttercup and Big 'D' as well for all their good advice.

I will be happy for the time she gave me.

I will be glad for what she brought into my life.

I will not dwell on the hurt and the sadness of something ending.

I will make myself a better man.

I am grateful to her.

I am a richer man because of her.

Radames' Letter

Im sorry for everything I've said
and for anything I forgot to say too...

when things get so complicated,
I stumble, at best, muddle through

I wish that our lives could be simple
I dont want the world, only you

I wish that I could tell you this face to face
but theres never the time
never the place

so this letter will have to do

I love you...

Errmmm...

Mood Troubled
Music Jane Siberry "It Cant Rain All the Time"

Tonight was strange...brought up the entire age issue. Moot point maybe. Only time will tell. I'm trying to keep my chin up, but lets be real. This is a heartbreak waiting to happen.

It's tearing me up. Damn.

Thanks Lynette

1) What is the most unexpected twist you've come across in your own life?

Being the loser that I used to laugh at when I was younger. What goes around comes around.

2) Which novel has been your happiest/richest reading experience to date and why?

'The Coast Road' by Barbara Delinsky. It is one of my favorite books of all time. I love it because the man in the book is the man I want to be. He's troubled and not perfect at all, but he's a good man and I admire him (fictional though he may be) very much. One of the few books I've ever read and said to myself, "Thats the kind of man I want to be."

3) If you could pick a different era to live in, what would it be and why?

I once would have said something like the middle or dark ages, when a man could carve himself a name with the strength of his sword arm. Now that I'm older (not too much wiser sadly) I understand how easy it is for the sucker-butts to romanticize the period. Thats not much of an answer is it? How about, far in the future, when a lot of the worlds problems are fixed and everything and everyone is happier and better. Yes, Im a shmuck.

4) Would you rather be poor, but living with your true love, middle class and moving somewhere entirely new where you know no one, or rich and constantly stressed? Why?

I want any option that includes true love. I wouldnt want to lose my true love because I was poor though. If I was in love, I would do anything to make it work, like working two jobs, or trying to finish a degree and maybe get into law school. I cant imagine being poor for long and if you have true love, you wouldnt be poor no matter how much money you had, really. Being rich doesnt really hold much attraction to me. I wonder if Bill Gates will ever find true, true love, a woman that loves him for him and not because he's Bill Gates with accompanying (much publicized) fortune. Y'dig?

5) If you could pick one film and have it be the story of your life, what would you choose and why?

Amelie. It has a happy ending.

The Official Interview Game Rules

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will bedifferent.3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others

in the same post.5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Shrimp and Speedos

Mood Stuffed
Music Usher/Ludacris "Yeah!"

So I just saw Ndog at his graduation party. Shamefully, I mao'ed on shrimp until he forcefully pulled me away from the shrimp tray, brandishing an AK47, saying (and I quote)

"If you don't stop eating those goddamn shrimp you worthless pineapple picker, I'm going to shoot you accidentally in your ass. Twice."

well, it may not have been a direct quote, but it was certainly something like that.

I have to say, that guy is my favorite monkey in the entire world.

Talking to him about NHB fighting made me remember. It IS all about heart. I have something to fight for now. I always intended to go back. I wasn't bad when I was training, I wonder what I would be like now after a 4 year layoff?

First things first, I gotta find a second job. Don't really have time to play, but I really would like to train again.

Oh yeah, I saw Ky and Marcus and Gina and a lot of fun people as well :).

Hope Ndog had a good graduation party. For some strange reason, I have so much respect for that kid that I cant stand it. And Gina got protective, wondering if I was trying to fight him when I asked if he would consider 'rolling' with me. hahahaha. Chicks are funny.

I shouldnt have eaten so much shrimp.

I want to do the right thing

Mood Introspective
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

The boss-boss asked my boss yesterday, "Whats going on with Leoney, he quit drinking and he's showing up to work on time..."

Some men have the tendency to hold desperately on to the past. I don't want to be one of them.

I'm tired.

Prostatic Congestion

Andie is a genius and there is an actual medical term for it and so I post this here (I do NOT want bad sex for 7 years)! It feels so good to say it, I have a 'giiiiirlfriend' (Imhappyimhappyimhappy) and we are not having sex, and dont plan to, and I am so deliriously happy with her that it doesnt matter!

Sex Facts
Body: First some stuff about the guys...
1) 94% of men lie about their penis size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5.1 inches long when erect (no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth).
3) 80% of American men are circumsized. Even though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called "prostatic congestion."
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.


... now the girls
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves "attractive" (20% of British women do). 43% of women use the term "natural", 24% say they have "average" looks, 8% prefer the term "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking", and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% of women say they are "sexy".
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants.
4) 75% of women dont like oral sex.
5) 95% of women shave their privates.


... and both!
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before they have graduated. 27% loose their virginity senior prom night. Only 3% wait until marriage.
3) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.


*5 Reasons Why Sex is Good*
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better- [ problem is ugly people don`t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in your body which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physic.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.


Did You Know??? ....
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!


If you dont post this you will have bad sex for 7 years.

oh well...

Im still happy ;)

Imhappyimhappyimhappyimhappyimhappy--

when I see her, my heart flies!!

Im trying to stay busy

Mood Depressed
Music Damien Rice "Blowers Daughter"

Im feeling really down. Itll get better, but till then Im sleeping a lot.

I miss her

This weekend is a yawning black hole with nothing to do. I need this empty weekend to be over so I can go back to work. I'm going to the store to buy some 'cheer up' ice cream.

I have to be at work in a couple hours, but I have to get this down...

Mood Sleepy
Music John Cruz "Island Style"

I'll try to be understandable, Im so tired and a little scattered though.

Today in the mail, I got my financial aid award letter from the American Musical and Dramatic Academy. It was more generous than I thought it would be, with it, I could cover about 2/3rds of the total cost of living and going to school there. The remaining 1/3rd would be tough but definetly doable. Doing the numbers (because I had to), made me question my decision all over again. I called one of my oldest, smartest, and best friends for his advice.

It seems like a shame to waste this opportunity. I may always wonder what might have been. Im single, Im as young as I'll ever be, I have no responsibilities here. But I know finally thats not what I want. I don't want to be some broadway actor. Thats not my dream anymore. I dont want any kind of fame, the thought makes me uncomfortable. Thats not who I am. Im kinda private. The praise of my friends and loved ones is the highest compliment I need or want.

What I do want now is a family. I want a house and a wife and beautiful children that we can raise to be the best people that we know. I want a home filled with love and music and laughing. I want to wake up every morning with that feeling of belonging and being loved and cherished and valued. I want to be a good, strong man surrounded by the most important people in the world to me. Thats what is important to me, that is what I want now.

I've been torn in half for a long time as to what I should work for. Indecision costs more than making the wrong choice maybe. For a long time I wasnt happy here. That has changed, somewhat, recently. I can see happiness down the road, maybe some light at the end of the tunnel. Yknow, a lot of people may not understand why I would find such joy in these newest dreams of mine. I understand better than anyone that they may not come true, I understand this. But if you've never had it, then these things are so beautiful you would understand where Im coming from.

NYC Decision

Mood Decided
Music Medicine "Time Baby III"

I've been afraid of all those premature congratulations. I've decided not to go to NYC and attend that conservatory. Lots of reasons. Most of all is Fuck 'Em. I got accepted but I think after talking to the lady in admissions that my future doesnt lie in theater. I've been torn for years between two goals and now I finally know what I want to do. I'm going to finish up my degree here and maybe even try to get into Law School. Sorry to all my friends that have been so very supportive of the idea. Sorry to all my friends that hate lawyers. Sorry to all my friends that were excited about the idea of finally getting rid of me.

Ok, go back to school, get a degree...thats not so hard. Is it?

Final Bow

Thanks again to my friends and family,

<3

My friends

Mood sleepy
Music Aida Original Soundtrack

Thank you Erin, Bri, Andie, Leslie, and Ndog. Its really hard for me to accept compliments, but I desperately need the approval of my friends. Every thing you guys said to me was very much appreciated ;). It was great seeing you peoples ;).

Much Love and Aloha

Thank you for my blessings

Im so deliriously happy that I dont know what to say or do or what or whatever or stuff.

Im so easy to please.

All I need in life is this feeling.

YAY!!!!

I have to remember that God loves me

I will remember today for the rest of my life. I dont know if it was good or bad. It haunts me.

I hate myself

I hate my weakness. I hate my ugliness. She has offered me a week and I have so little self respect that I am taking it and going to be grateful.

Karma...I'm so sorry to the people I hurt, I'm hurting now.

What a crummy morning

All pretension aside, I don’t even know what we are. I remember being jealous when I saw you sitting by him. I was also jealous that night at UNR a long time ago, remember? I kind of hinted at the subject… doesn’t matter now. I think girls realize when a guy feels threatened. I think a guy realizes when a girl is checking someone else out, no matter the platitudes. So, this has to do with my own insecurity and issues. I’m not trying to be petty. I don’t want to hurt you. It was like a kick to my gut. I thought that the more I found out about you, the more I adored you, then I found that out. The whole time I was missing you, you were dating him. I’m sorry he hurt you. I don’t want to do that either. It calls into question all the valid reasons you gave me for us not being together. I remember missing you so much, and telling myself that you were right. I’m so stupid. I want to go back to when I didn’t care, when we were just friends and you could do anything you like. I appreciate your honesty, I saw you hesitate before telling me. So, he’s a messed up individual when it comes to girls and I am too I guess. I still have the letter you gave me. If this letter seems kind of scattered, its because I am too. I’m really confused about all of this.


I just want us to be friends again.

Leoney

Opening Night...

Mood Jittery
Music Beauty and the Beast Soundtrack

Opening night is done!!! Standing 'O'! Wheeeeeee!

Je regret

Im so drunk im going to puke.

Time is running out, so why am I trying to be unhappy?

Mood sad, bruised
Music Andrea Bocelli & Dulce Pontes "O Mare E Tu"

I'm so confused right now. I regret how goofy happy I got when I saw her. She's playing it cool. Why would I turn around to find her sitting cozily tucked into a corner with him of all people? I love the guy but his morals disgust me. Im so stupid. What was I thinking? Dumb dumb dumb dumb. Either she's playing a game or I'm messed up in the head. I dont want to be the guy who seeks unhappiness as a comfort zone. I loathe the flare of jealousy that shot up when I saw her by him. I don't want to be that petty. Why am I like this?

I was introverted and withdrawn all night trying to figure it out.

Why did she go 30 feet away from the rest of us to sit next to him?

I dont play well with others, so I probably shouldnt play at all.

@*&$@#!

Mood Tired, Sick, Worried
Music The Cranberries "Dreams"

So, Beauty and the Beast opens this weekend. We're so not ready. I'm just getting over the flu or a cold or something nasty that is going around the cast and fuk if I'm not losing my voice. I have 3 days to get better. Please God please.

On a brighter note, I belong to her as long as this show is running. It's fairly common knowledge. She says we're 'together', whatever that means, so I'm blessed.

I would like to say...

Mood Content
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

I am happy. That is a rare event, and considering the way things are going at work, I really shouldnt be. I have had nightmares for the past 4 nights straight and yet tonight was a wonderful night. She hasnt lost any of her magic. I'm making her chicken and fettucini alfredo tomorrow because she forgets to eat. Thank you Bri, Perfectly Excellent Bunny, and anonymous for making me feel better.

I Forgot

Mood Resolute
Music John Cruz "Kawailehua'a'alakahonua"

So I think I was tired and weak last night and so my mind took a curious turn. I forgot for a second that I am a solo unit. I dont need anybody, now or ever.

That Which Does Not Kill You, Makes You Stronger (and occasionally a crybaby)

Mood Exhausted, bemused
Music Enya "Lothlorien"

Just crawled into my house from the Vegas trip. Quick impressions, it went sorta well...but they would be fools to call me. After spending 2 days with her, I have come to appreciate the beauty of my Belle. What an amazingly beautiful little heart breaker she can be (but not with me, Im not going there). I miss her very much right now. I admire and respect her attitude, her drive, her sense of humor, her smile, her goofy excitement over the funniest things, her voice. There is nothing sexual or romantic between us, but I miss her very much.

I didnt sleep with Brandy even though she came over to the house because she wanted to. Call me good with high morals or call me just too damn tired to care. What kinda guy turns down an attractive woman who wants a one night stand?

Its never good to look at your life and realize how empty it is.

Im always envious of how happy and together my friends seem. I wonder if anyone has ever looked at me like that?

Ignoranus-when someone is both stupid and an asshole

Mood Down

I have come to the conclusion that I may need professional help maybe.

My Little Buttercup...

what a fuckn hassle, heheh (Sister on the left, Leslie on the right)

Aloooooooha!

Mood Tired, Cheerful
Music Enya "No Holly for Ms. Quinn"

So at 1 am this morning, while I'm passed out from the prodigious amount of alcohol consumed in another night of excess, I get a pounding on my front door.

It's my brother, who's supposed to be in Hawaii. Turns out his job sent him up to San Fransisco for about 2 weeks and he drove up last night from Sacramento after his flight to surprise me.

Haha, he had me cracking up all night. Unfortunately, I was very inebriated at that point so I was unable to stay concious for very long. This morning I took him out to lunch and bought him a novel to maintain his sanity while he's down there in SF. We visited my sister and her family for an hour and now he's on the road again. All in all, he was here about 11 hours (with a lot of that time spent sleeping on my couch). I miss him already, that faggot. We parted with our typical "Dont be gay" to each other and then he hit the road.

Hahaha, he also taxed my closet and shoes before he left and encouraged me to go shopping so he could have a wider selection of outfits to steal next time he's down.

Some things never change ;).

My Friend, Robert Pollock

Bob,

The older brother I never had. You always had common sense that I never liked hearing.

I remember when you got me high ;).

I remember Smiths and the tin foil wrapped goodness.

I remember your how I slew you on your birthday.

I remember you packing all of us in the car for Virtual Worlds road trip.

I remember watching the Matrix with you when it came out.

I remember your jokes, you were one of the funniest guys I knew.

I remember when I had that fever of 105 and how Jen was freaking out and you offering to take me to the emergency room.

I remember the late nights in Reno and with 'D' and the crew on airport road.

I remember the cards you gave me and how they got wet.

I remember laughing at your white shoes when we went paintballing.

I'm sorry about the dice.

You totally had my back when I needed it, I remember.

Way too young man.

God bless you and keep you in a better place.

Rest in peace Blue.

Youre already missed.

The truth and nothin but...

Mood Drunk

So I smoked a cigarette. Weak.

Drinking alone is really shitty.

Flow Like Water

Mood Wistful
Music Allison Krauss "Baby of Mine"

Anonymous maliciousness sucks. It was cold but I got all the eggs cleaned off the paint. I do believe in Karma.

Just saw 'Girl Next Door'. What a pretty love story.

I just gotta cowboy up.

I wish I had the words to explain how I feel right now.

The Gods Love Nubia

Mood Sleepy
Music Aida Original Cast Recording

Well, I got back into town and had enough time to take a shower and make it to rehearsal 15 minutes late.

The bay area was fun. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go watch a performance of Aida that was playing at the Willow Theater (very pretty place) and so I took off from San Jose in search of Walnut Creek. Little did I know its like a completely different city. I got totally lost and ended up in San Mateo and Oakland (bleh) on my way to Aida.

First impressions of Aida. Equity actors arent better than the people I know. The choreography was crap compared to Gina's (they had very very few dancers as good as Gina's). Aida needs an ethnic woman with a voice that could make angels weep. The show was good (and Marcus was jealous which is always a plus). Dawn Troupe Masi (Aida) was amazing, her voice was breathtaking and keep in mind that she wasnt as good as Heather Headley, which completely makes me wish I had been able to see Heather Headley and her original broadway cast. Megan Ross as Amneris was my complete favorite. I LOVED her. In fact I started the 'standing O" at the performance I attended when I stood for her (she was that good). I still wish I could have seen Sherie Renee Scott on broadway in the role, but Megan Ross was simply breathtaking. Romar De Claro as Mereb was my second favorite, amazing voice, thats the role I want...Mereb in Aida. He's a complete fruit loop so I shared taht with Marcus tonight (and he's an ex music circus guy). God what a fun show.

So I was 15 minutes late to rehearsal because of the 4 1/2 hour drive, but it went well. I am getting closer to being out of book (ahead of Belle and Lumiere haha). The director handed me one hell of a letter of recommendation for my upcoming Las Vegas audition. I am so grateful and I love all the people I work with on these shows.

Didnt get a chance to see 'Fantasticks' or 'Book of Days' this last weekend since I was in Cali, so I have to hit em this upcoming weekend.

Boy there are a lot of ethnic people on stage in California ;).

I ate the cheesesteaks in Amato's and that was good as well.

You know, once you see a show, the soundtrack takes on a completely different meaning as you can picture the staging as you listen to the songs.

Aida is beautiful and boy am I tired.

Ok, is that it? Most everything updated? Oh yeah, that big idiot got fired at work for embezzling, driving for 4 hour stretches is really boring unless youre singing along to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack the entire way. I can move refrigerators by myself. I'm a safe driver. I think I have a raise. I havent studied anything for my upcoming audition. I dont have any rehearsals at all for the rest of the month. I really should hit the gym right about now. I dont think Im auditioning for Music Circus. I'm friends again with the people I wasnt friends with. Umm thats gotta be about it. yah.

Oh yeah,

I love you Ky, Andie, and Bri.

You too Buttercup ;).

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

Mood Lonely, Socially Inept
Music "How I Know You" --Aida Cast Recording

Step one on my road to self empowerment: My happiness will no longer be dependent on the company of others.

So I made an arbitrary decision (that I intend to stick by) to avoid the after-rehearsal/performance drinking/dinner party. Sure, its lonely now, and the group tonight looks to be large and fun, but its for my own good that I avoid the company of all of those people. I cant play well with others, after all, so I'm not going to play at all. This can only pay off in the long run and its more responsible.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, all play makes Jack an irresponsible fucktard.

Speaking of play, there is a new girl who has decided that she would love to be the latest on the list of girls who have played me, so she is calling me constantly and asking me if I would like to spend time with her...little does she know, I have been broken by the best, she's not even in their league, so her little manipulations are amusing at best. Sorry Aja, but you got no game.

I will be the most insular, private person I know.

Sensitive

Mood Tired, Clean

Please be gentle with me, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way.

Into the hours of the morning

Mood Serene, tired, calm, accepting

With Serenity, comes peace, and with peace, a small measure of acceptance.

I'm just this guy, Im not abnormal, or special, or different in any way when you think about it from all those other guys out there. I'm just me. A lot of times, I'm not proud of who I am, or what I do, or what I say. Thats me, shame and guilt seem intrinsic to my personality.

I think I know what I have been looking...no, yearning for, for a long time.

I will try to be a braver man. If nothing turns out in the end, then I will have had the journey to look back on.

Even if its a small step, life can be considered a series of small steps. Its what happens while you take the steps that counts. So, small steps...another epiphany?


If I accept this thing, that I have railed against not having, I mean truly accept it, and smile and move on,


All I can do, is keep trying...

So, I will

Boy My Legs Are Cold

Mood Cold
Music Rascal Flatts "Im Movin On"

Constantine has got to be one of my favorite movies of all time.

Hana's Song

Mood whatever

Circumstances do conspire...

not everything goes according to plan, but this still was meant in truth:




To my dear friend Hana
My sweet little Larken
I just want you to know,
I just wanted to show
So here’s what I’ll do
I’ll sing how I feel
For you…for you
I wanted to say
Happy Birthday

Have I told you sweetheart
That I love your smile
I love your laugh
Your grace and your style
I love your charm
I love how you fit
In my arms, in my arms
And I wanted to say
Happy Birthday

Hana
Happy Birthday
I think that’s the end of the song because I don’t know what else to write
Oh yeah
I came up with something…
I want to say thank you to you for coming into my life

Fuckin hell

Mood very angry
Music Rammstein - Du Hast

why is it that nice guys finish last? Girls seem to love the bad boys. Stupid cunts, you deserve what you get. Fuck you.

I am not a nice guy. If someone 'steps outside' with you, they should be willing to fight.

I h8.

Radio Free Zion Pwns U

Mood doozy
Music Leave's Eyes "Ocean Way"

So, it happens in April...looks like Julianna (my Beauty) is coming with me which is a huge coincidence but I heard it tonight.

Im too old but this audition is everything I would want.

Las Vegas here I come :)

Oh yeah, Caitlin (Ms Potts) heard me singing tonight and she says she likes my voice so thats a good thing too :)

altogether a very good night

A Book Report on Peter Rabbit?

Mood sleepysleepysleepysleepy

N-dog the flying monkey and I saw 'Youre a Good Man Charlie Brown" tonight. I laughed until my throat hurt. Funny and fun, my friends (and there were a lot of them in it) should be proud. My favorite part was afterward, hanging with Andie, Brit, and Nathan. Im too tired to type more but this was a good, happy night :) .

Nathan and I agree that Andie rocks.

Next time, pull the trigger

Mood so... happy... I just want it all to go away

One thing I admire about Marcus; his ability to brutally, casually squash any hope someone may harbor.

I will be the most insular, private person I know.

Everyone should have a Buttercup

Mood Happy
Music Beauty and the Beast

I love hanging out with my therapist. We talk (gossip) for hours, she crashes out on my couch from where she psychoanalyzes me drowsily. I am relaxed, calm, and cheerful. She is not only an anchor in this increasingly chaotic world, but a strong dose of (much needed) common sense.

All it costs me is some pizza and some cookies and cream (w/ accompanying chocolate syrup) Breyers --which she cant even finish.

hehe

It makes me laugh that she is embarrassed she used to play Dungeons & Dragons and Vampire !!

Im still awake

Mood Weary
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

Dear Diary,

So...

I'm going on my fourth day with a total of 9 hours of sleep. No, I'm not on drugs, I used to do them long ago, but that was then. Now, instead of the induced nervous energy I'm just numb. Whatever, Im no stranger to sleepless nights. I can't help but think that this is unhealthy. Its hard to rest when I cant find any peace inside. "The sleep of the just" is an expression that comes to mind, followed closely by 'No rest for the wicked'. I'm in a tired haze. I have enough clarity of mind to fake it tomorrow though, and I don't have far to drive so thats good at least. Its just that I have developed an unhealthy fear that if I go to sleep, I wont be able to wake up. Odd I know, considering how many years of practice I have. Gotta watch the sleep deprived paranoia.

So...

The Dictionary defines Addiction as:

1. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance

or

2.The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something

That comment is not as random as it appears.

So...

All I need is time I think, to get myself together, to get my life in order. All we, as human beings, really have in life is time. We spend it on things like school, careers, families, hobbies. We try to attach a numeric value to it with a paycheck. Its all the same though, no matter how much you make. And if you are gifted it, its going to keep moving on you. The days will keep coming, the seasons keep changing. Why then do I feel like Time is slipping, like sand, through my fingers?

Im so tired now that I shouldnt have a problem falling asleep tonight. Just gotta make it through one more day.

I should have listened to this song when I was trying to go to sleep last night. Its peaceful, soothing, it calms my restlessness.

I could have slept to this.

Stressed

Mood Stressed

God, how did I ever manage to get myself into this mess. I swear to God, if I get out of this I'm going to dance a jig.

I am a man who has made many bad choices in his life.

I did the right thing

Mood Serene
Music Eddie Rabbit "I love a rainy night"

Ok, people learn from past mistakes.

I talked to her tonight, She says she misses me, being held by me...

That way lies heartbreak, I know this.

I am not going to jeapordize our new friendship. Last time hurt me, but I'm better now.

If you love someone, it doesnt have to be 'in that way'.

I can be strong...

Numa Numa?

Mood Amused
Music Numa Numa

Teh Buttercup sent me what has got to be the happiest most awesome things Ive seen all year.

this made my day

Dont be sad ;)

Disneys' Beauty and the Beast...

Mood Thoughtful
Music Beauty and the Beast "Home"

So this beautiful Sunday afternoon, I got a phone call from my director (which is odd any day) regarding the role of the young prince. I have been more than curious about that role. In Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the young prince is the vain, selfish, hateful man who is transformed into the Beast ( rowr!) in the first couple minutes of the show. The part wasnt cast last week with the rest of the show, and I sorta wanted to see who would be the pretty boy actor who would represent me, post metamorphosis . So when I got the call I was surprised when Stephanie told me that not only had they finally figured out how they were going to do the transformation at the end of the show (which I was also wondering about - yay live theater), But that they wanted me to play the young prince as well as the Beast.

I cant think they wanted me as the first choice for their 'Young Prince' or they would have cast me as such. I was under the impression that the Young Prince was a type of ingenue to contrast the beasts deformity. I am not now, nor have I ever been, an ingenue (and thats a whole nother ball of wax).

Also, for me to play the young prince in the finale, I have to give up my death scene. Thats not a throw away scene, I mean, its kind of important. Its the fight scene with Gaston and when Belle finally confesses her love to the dying Beast. Now that scene is going to go to someone else (I think I know who too, if they can convince him) who will have to put on that crap costume and makeup for that one single scene while I am offstage switching costumes and getting out of my makeup and attempting to get prettified.

Rehearsals havent even really started and I'm off to a great start fuxing things up. I have accidentally torn my (rented) script and due to a paycheck mixup, I wont even be able to register for the musical theater class tomorrow like I promised Stephanie I would. Turns out there are way too many people volunteering to tech for Fantasticks so I may not even be able to do that...

Good news is, Beauty and the Beast music is so beautiful that its haunting and it tugs at the heartstrings every time I hear it. The audience will LOVE it.

Grand news is the Young Prince does the kiss scene with the lovely Belle.

(Anita, Larken, Julie, and maybe Belle, thats a kiss per lead-- I am one of the luckiest guys in this entire damn town and I know its just a stage kiss but I am lucky lucky lucky nonetheless)

No I dont have low morals.

On the outside looking in

Mood Angry, Hung Over

So it's never a good idea to post when youre drunk. Sometimes there is such a thing as too much truth. Though the post got deleted, it was true, just not something I'm ready to share in a public forum at this time.

Why is it named 7-11? Just call it "18" and get it over with

Mood Apathetic
Music The Jesus and Mary Chain "Snakedriver"

On this night, I am bored out of my friggin mind. Seems like life will get pretty hectic in just a couple days but till then, I can't seem to find anything to spark my interest. Blah...

Video games suck, Movies suck, I'm pretty much OD'ed on my script and soundtrack, I don't really have anyone to visit or anything to do or anyone to talk to.

So im sitting here booooored. Fuggit, I'll go fold my laundry or something.

Heres a link for yall, maybe itll keep you occupied for a couple seconds (btw it actually works).

Some weird psychic bullshkie

Feh.

Imagine me sitting in stunned silence...and ACTION!

Mood stunned, hung over
Music none, im hung over

So I've mentioned how stupid I was before? Good. It's no surprise then. Just saw the cast list for Fantasticks, it blew my mind that I wasn't cast in it. I'm proud of Josh and happy for him, but a little sad because that meant I was a chorus member again (which is cool anyway) and not even going to be in one of the shows this time. On the way back to my room to recuperate, I checked the Beauty and the Beast cast list. I was literally whipped last night by Bob, his skill and experience and training showed during his reading and I love the guy so I was happy for him.

Cast lists make me feel so foolish for trying to predict them. I should remember that I have no clue whats going on in the directors minds. I thought Hana was a shoo-in for Babette. I thought Josh was Gaston. I thought so many erroneous things.

Congratulations Andie on Louisa in Fantasticks. Congratulations Marcus on LeFou in Beauty and the Beast. I guess congratulations me (though I don't deserve it) on the Beast.

Blows my mind.

On the bright side~

Mood Tipsy
Music none, I need quiet to reflect or somethin

Beauty and the Beast Call-backs are done. I can not remember, for the life of me, ever being surrounded by that much talent. Not only do I not envy the trio in charge, I pity them. To have to winnow down all those angels to a final two.

Those two girls are heartbreaking, and whichever one is Belle is going to deserve it.

Turns out its between me and one other person for the Beast. I suppose you could say I had a good audition as I was held back to read against him. I had a good read through and I was proud of myself. However, watching his scene, all I could do was say "wow, I wish I had done mine like that'. No holds barred, the only guy that could take the lead away from me deserved it because he was damned good. To be fair, he's also usually one of the directors. In this instance, I would have to say that experience and skill showed and he deserves the role, he was better than me and the Beast deserves to be done with excellence. Grats Bobby G.

Yes i have been drinking.

P.S. everything is mighty blurry right now, but if you were there at tonights call backs, rest assured that you were amazing to me and I loved watching you perform.

<3

Leoney

(P.S. Heather email me!!)

I am a tower of iron will

Mood Tired
Music Beauty and the Beast soundtrack

Ok, I'm stupid.

Much love to the friends I saw tonight: Andie, Dom, Deana & Rachel Jackson, LIBBY!, <3 Hana <3, Josh, and Marcus.

Where are the rest of you?

Fantasticks call backs are over, now on to Beauty and the Beast. I have no clue what I'm going to get, realistically. For many reasons, I am well suited for chorus in these next shows, they would be crazy to cast me as anything else. Lots of talent showed tonight and you can only expect more tomorrow (Andie and Hana were my favorite -- I'm so biased tho)

Tomorrows going to be a circus!

kk, back to work tomorrow morning but the emails and posts will be caught up with soon, trust me.

A wise man once said "Life is a shit sandwich, and every day you get to take another bite"

Mood Resigned
Music Angela Gheorghiu "Aubade: Vive amour qui reve" from Cherubin

Well, this weekend has not been a good weekend for work. you could say that I am currently in a pile of shit because of the arguments I have been having with my boss. Today I took off from work and just came home. Honestly, there is only so much a guy can take before he either has to find a new job or come out swinging. I also turned off my phone/radio so they cant get in touch with me. Childish? mebbe, but I am pretty fed up with the bullshit (like sitting around for 2 hours WAITING to get on the clock and start work). Maybe I need a vacation. I probably need a new job. Just thinking about it makes me tired.

Don't mean to sound negative, because thats not how I'm feeling. I'm fairly clear and rational right now, just a little worn out. I am weighing my options very lucidly.

I miss my very special New York buddy and her common sense.

Ciao

Qualcosa che Viene

Mood Casuale

Ave Maria
Vergin del ciel,
sovrana di grazie e madre pia,
che accogli ognor la fervente preghiera,
non negar a questo straziato mio cor
tregua al suo dolor!
Sperduta l'alma mia si prostra a te,
e pien' di speme si prostra ai tuoi piè,
t’invoca e attende
che tu dedia
la pace che solo tu poi donar.
Ave Maria

Amore e baci~

Someone gimme my favorite N-dogs email addy~!

Mood boy I'm beat
Music Phantom of the Opera soundtrack

Ok, I'm back from my little week long jaunt down to the bay area. While down there, I basically slept a lot, read a lot, relaxed and visited friends a lot, and ate a lot of Amato's. Last night, to celebrate my impending homecoming to cold 17 degree farehnheit (sp?) Carson, I went to the midnight showing of Phantom of the Opera.

wow.

I dont know how to say it and express just exactly the depth of feeling this show evoked in me. wait...

omfg WOW!!

From a fresh unbiased never- before- having- seen- the- show phantom of the opera virgin, I have to say that if the movie touched me like that, what will the live stage production do?

Holy Shit (pardon my blue collar vernacular) but that show was amazing. I'm not a 'marcus' but allow me a moment to expound on the sheer skill and unadulterated talent displayed by Patrick Wilson in the role of Raoul de Chagny. That guy just blew me away. I liked him in the Alamo but I had no idea he was a broadway actor with a voice that (seriously made me ooooh so envious) came straight from Heaven. This guy makes me want to take voice lessons.

Minnie Drivers' Carlotta (fu syntax) amazed me. What skill to be able to transform herself so completely and believably from a beautiful talent into a limelight seeking joke. Bravo!

Emmy Rossums' Christine makes my heart ache.

Those three made the show for me (well, I really liked Madame Giry and her blonde ballet daughter as well).

The Phantom himself actually had me punching myself in the head everytime he started singing. Don't get me wrong, the dude can act (as he managed to evoke true emotion during one significant- at least to me- scene). But his voice seemed so...I dunno, weak, compared to the Raoul and Christine, and his part is so integral (I mean come on, for fucks sake, the show is named after him). I kept hearing him reach for his high notes, straining and covering, and cutting short certain other weak notes ... I'm just glad there werent many people in that showing as I was going out of my mind trying to stay in the story everytime he had a song. GAH!

I would have to say that I think the music to this show is just Heaven. What genius. Its haunting me still, running over and over through my head. And on my speakers.

I love teh Theatah!

(btw critics and critiques suck ass so this wasnt and i aint one, this was completely imho so there)

Wow, rambling run on sentences and stuff and did I mention i'm beat?

Peace love and aloha~

No more waking dreams...(Get out the Map)

Mood Refreshed, renewed
Music Indigo Girls "Shame on You"

I feel good. Strangely, my newfound vigor coincides with the turning of the new year. I love the new year (when its done) for all that it symbolizes. I am also rolling my eyes in disgust (thank you newfound mindset) at all my angsty blah blah blah poor me poor me posts during the holiday season.

I feel horrible every year right about that time, nothing new about that at all. You'd think after all these years I would find some way to prepare myself? Now that its done however, Im ready and rarin to go.

Quirky hehe.

Why oh why does everything seem neat again? Some wise man better come along and explain it because Im at a loss.

Didn't sleep much last night so I'm scatter brained (sue me) but cheerful and as upbeat as I know how to be! YAY!

Now some random yays because I like pressing my capslock.

YAY YAY YAY!!!! (hahaha omg im cracking myself up irl).

They say a good picture is worth a thousand words, here are three (thousand...words...in a manner of speaking).

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And lastly, I love you Bri :)




Hope yall had a good and safe Christmas and New Years.

Much love and aloha to all of ya!