I gave Ms. Washoe County the bird today...Twice. What did you do?

Mood Withdrawn
Music Andrea Bocelli "Ave Maria"

Today I planned to go to church. Ive been planning it for awhile. I dont know that its something that needs to be planned, maybe that makes me a bad person, having to actually try to fit church into my schedule. Regardless, today I planned to go to church.

At 5 pm, while I was at work, very high up on a ladder, I got the last phone call I expected. It was from the girl that makes my chest hurt. She wanted me to be her 'date' to Robins dance recital (that I had no intention of going to in the first place-no matter how fun dance is). Of course, I dropped everything to go. Allow me a moment to explain my physical reaction to her phone call. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and my head was spinning. I felt ill. I may BE ill, I cant quite explain why a simple phone call from her would make me feel that way...It doesnt make sense, especially because of the situation we are in (ie friends that talk rarely).

After the euphoria of sitting next to her wore off, I couldnt help but be frustrated by the fact that we couldnt really communicate except for a few whispers and touches. And then I walked her to her car, she hugged me, and she drove out of my life again.

Now all the good feelings are crashing. Hard. All I want to do is get drunk and forget.

On the bright side, I got to see some people I love very much, Tara and Tillet and Kenzie and Robin, I didnt get to say hi to becca jolly but she understands I hope.

The last drink I have had was the closing night of Beauty and the Beast.

Now I'm back in this empty house, feeding the fish and looking at the dirty dishes.

I am happy for what time she gave me. I will stay positive. Watching the lights go out though, after a brief interlude of sunshine is a feeling I wouldnt wish on anyone.

Some of my friends say I'm too sensitive or emotional. I have done a good job of hiding it until tonight. The only way to get over this girl (as she has gotten over me) is to be strong. I will do the right thing.

I knew I should have gone to church.