Im still awake

Mood Weary
Music Eva Cassidy "Songbird"

Dear Diary,

So...

I'm going on my fourth day with a total of 9 hours of sleep. No, I'm not on drugs, I used to do them long ago, but that was then. Now, instead of the induced nervous energy I'm just numb. Whatever, Im no stranger to sleepless nights. I can't help but think that this is unhealthy. Its hard to rest when I cant find any peace inside. "The sleep of the just" is an expression that comes to mind, followed closely by 'No rest for the wicked'. I'm in a tired haze. I have enough clarity of mind to fake it tomorrow though, and I don't have far to drive so thats good at least. Its just that I have developed an unhealthy fear that if I go to sleep, I wont be able to wake up. Odd I know, considering how many years of practice I have. Gotta watch the sleep deprived paranoia.

So...

The Dictionary defines Addiction as:

1. Compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance

or

2.The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something

That comment is not as random as it appears.

So...

All I need is time I think, to get myself together, to get my life in order. All we, as human beings, really have in life is time. We spend it on things like school, careers, families, hobbies. We try to attach a numeric value to it with a paycheck. Its all the same though, no matter how much you make. And if you are gifted it, its going to keep moving on you. The days will keep coming, the seasons keep changing. Why then do I feel like Time is slipping, like sand, through my fingers?

Im so tired now that I shouldnt have a problem falling asleep tonight. Just gotta make it through one more day.

I should have listened to this song when I was trying to go to sleep last night. Its peaceful, soothing, it calms my restlessness.

I could have slept to this.