its been a week since my life changing decision... (haha, what a pretentious ass of a sentence) or more appropriately a week since I made a decision that changed my entire outlook on life.
I am a rock. I am an island.
It's working well so far, I can understand the philosophical ramifications of making such a choice and at this point in my life it doesnt bother me at all. Leslie is dead to me. Perhaps that is too strong a term but her thinking that she could predict and wrap me (the elemental cosmic chaos that is my hahahahaha pretentious self (warning that was a tongue in cheek sentence)) around her damn little finger and being so stunned that all wasnt going according to her plan proves what everyone that knows the two of us have been saying for years. She is a manipulative, heart breaking bitch. She can sucka the dangdang.
The saddest thing is at this point, I dont really care what she does though. So I went out drinking with Robin and we had so much fun that she had to drive me home. I am too analytical but that evening I was just out to have fun and be myself. I was perhaps a little to overindulgent methinks forsoothe!~ My head hurt the next day but I wasnt embarressed at all. I said only the truth and I was only me and it was r-e-a-l. I wasnt too much of an ass (that is said with the understanding that alcohol dulls the mind and my memory isnt too clear of that evening anyway) in the pushy way and as a matter of fact I refused the offer to sleep on her couch. She's a rock star and she has someone special in her life right now and she deserves it if anyone does.
Everyone deserves their own little slice of happiness.
So, from an analytical viewpoint, I can understand why I am slowly losing the friends of years and years and replacing them with more recent friends (who are amazing people) who share the same interests. I can understand it, but it still makes me sad when I dwell.
bleh.
thats it for now. I refuse to reread or spell check this post for fear that I will see it for the quasi intellectual pretentious shit spewing that I am sure it is, but nevertheless, I meant it at the time.
I miss my Theater fix.
(or the semi-complete, somewhat-unedited works of a sometime lunatic degenerate with unlimited high speed internet access)
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Born Again Hard...
well, got a lot to think about, what Jake said, what Maria said, what Marcus said...
makes a lot of sense, even what that cock bite Ryan said. Purity, Harmony, Virtue; worthy goals to strive for, but could that be the root of all my problems. I have had to invent myself as a man, dont know a lot of people who could seriously make that claim but thinking back to a lot of instances in my life I realize this could seriously have come into play.
I am a man.
Time to be one.
makes a lot of sense, even what that cock bite Ryan said. Purity, Harmony, Virtue; worthy goals to strive for, but could that be the root of all my problems. I have had to invent myself as a man, dont know a lot of people who could seriously make that claim but thinking back to a lot of instances in my life I realize this could seriously have come into play.
I am a man.
Time to be one.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
work....
well, Im sitting here thinking about how I have to be at work in about 6 hours and how Im tired but Im listening to Postal Service and dont really want to go to bed yet. I think I need purpose in my life, which is a horrible thing really to think at this stage (or what is SUPPOSED to be this stage) of my life. I think Im finally at peace regarding being alone-- whats odd is that a huge majority of people (judging from what I read on various other blogs) are just as alone as I am, if not more so. Oh well, peace, right. Leslie wants me to move to San Diego with her, but she hasnt called me since she crashed at my house (as a friend- I slept on the couch) and the more she isnt around, the more her spell over me wanes. Screw San Diego.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
tired....
health. it kinda sux.
there, I said it, I am muymuy profound I think.
To expound, Health (or the acquiring or maintenance of) is kinda sucky. F'rinstance, I should go to the gym or to dance class, but its so much easier when you get off work to kick off your shoes and sit in front of the computer and project the angst of everyday life from the depths of your soul while attempting to muster the energy to walk the 6 feet to the refrigerator to grab a piece of cheesecake.
Angst, thats another funny word.
Bleh.
On the bright side, I finally jumped on that bandwagon and got a cellphone, yay for me (talk about a few years too late) and I'm all googoo over it but I'm sure it'll pass.
Thought for the day: Girls sux
there, I said it, I am muymuy profound I think.
To expound, Health (or the acquiring or maintenance of) is kinda sucky. F'rinstance, I should go to the gym or to dance class, but its so much easier when you get off work to kick off your shoes and sit in front of the computer and project the angst of everyday life from the depths of your soul while attempting to muster the energy to walk the 6 feet to the refrigerator to grab a piece of cheesecake.
Angst, thats another funny word.
Bleh.
On the bright side, I finally jumped on that bandwagon and got a cellphone, yay for me (talk about a few years too late) and I'm all googoo over it but I'm sure it'll pass.
Thought for the day: Girls sux
Monday, July 12, 2004
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